Safe Touch
Learning to allow ourselves to be touched is very tricky. It certainly was for me. I struggled for a long time and found that I always seemed to choose men who were distant, reticent, aloof because (and this took me a long time to realise) they felt safe. They demanded little of me. The problem was they also gave little to me. The other side safety was a tendency to detachment and disinterest. They were safe but uncaring.
Part of my recovery was allowing myself to be touched and not feel triggered by the touch itself to take me back to pain.
I planned a strategy. I worked towards health.
I began by letting a hairdresser wash my hair. I found that I could enjoy it. I went often.
I had a hand massage. I worked up to a foot massage. I found a reputedly gentle massage therapist and began to have regular massages. This was all very liberating for me.
I had to put things in place to maintain my control and my need to feel safe. I had to know that the massage therapist would respect my privacy. Respect the limitations I needed to place on my body. I needed it to be a woman.
I began to understand how healing touch can be, when it doesn’t compromise our need for feeling safe. How it leaves us feeling connected.
These days I can even have a male massage therapist and still feel okay. My therapist is very conscious of the need to provide for the security of his clients. He drapes very consciously and always only uncovers the area he is working on. Curtains surround the cubicle but it is in a public place and the sounds of other people walking past provides a sense of not being isolated and alone. He understands these needs.
Find a massage therapist who recognizes your needs. Who is professional and with whom you will feel safe. Regular massage can be a very useful tool in enabling recovering victims to allow safe touch back into their lives.
♥ ~ Sue
© 2017 Susan Parry-Jones
Part of my recovery was allowing myself to be touched and not feel triggered by the touch itself to take me back to pain.
I planned a strategy. I worked towards health.
I began by letting a hairdresser wash my hair. I found that I could enjoy it. I went often.
I had a hand massage. I worked up to a foot massage. I found a reputedly gentle massage therapist and began to have regular massages. This was all very liberating for me.
I had to put things in place to maintain my control and my need to feel safe. I had to know that the massage therapist would respect my privacy. Respect the limitations I needed to place on my body. I needed it to be a woman.
I began to understand how healing touch can be, when it doesn’t compromise our need for feeling safe. How it leaves us feeling connected.
These days I can even have a male massage therapist and still feel okay. My therapist is very conscious of the need to provide for the security of his clients. He drapes very consciously and always only uncovers the area he is working on. Curtains surround the cubicle but it is in a public place and the sounds of other people walking past provides a sense of not being isolated and alone. He understands these needs.
Find a massage therapist who recognizes your needs. Who is professional and with whom you will feel safe. Regular massage can be a very useful tool in enabling recovering victims to allow safe touch back into their lives.
♥ ~ Sue
© 2017 Susan Parry-Jones
